Tuesday, September 27, 2011

What do you guys think?

What is every ones thought of Rosh Hashana  coming and some people faking this whole game of BS excuse my language  but that is how it seems many times
All of a sudden becoming all Frum and Ehrlich
Or is it OK and acceptable before this day to be that way?
some people have been writing me that on these days they feel a bigger urge to do some wild stuff which some call sin and some call fun
what are your thoughts on this subject?


That is what i can say  to all the emails and stories that i have been getting
It seems that i underestimated how much such a site was needed  and i am glad i came up with it
Keep them coming and any specific subjects or questions can be emailed to frumunhappy@gmail.com
thanks for making this blog become a success

Monday, September 26, 2011


Today i got some emails that people sent me opening up some parts of themselves that they refer to as dark sides to themselves
On this point i would like to make clear
There should be no such thing as in dark side as in bad to someone !rather all you are made of is good and all that seems dark is just simple things u think of or enjoy and there is nothing wrong with that  as long as  some u keep to yourself in your mind and the ones you act on you do with a smile and at times when needed in utmost secrecy!
it seems there are allot more people reading this and actually enjoying the idea of this blog than i originally thought would
Thanks readers  i hope you continue sharing with me your experiences and insights questions and answers
Good luck

Not keeping judaism

If one decides that they are not interested in keeping Shabbos and/or Taharas hamishpacha and/or faithfulness to their husbands!
From peoples experiences it seems the best way to go about that would be (in the case that you would like to remain married or have children) to keep it secret
Even if you are a single girl and feel the urge to screw it all as they would say than just learn how to keep it to yourself in most circumstances  (not all) and live that double faced life
I know it sounds awful  , even just the sound of that double facing sounds bad, but its not as bad as it sounds ,
People can enjoy life and do lots of stuff in utmost secrecy .
One of the big problems lay when you trust the wrong person or people  and let them in on this part of your life even if they are the same you need to be sure (which is usually far from what one is) that you can trust them.
especially if it is someone that has nothing to be afraid of or to hide and therefore  would not be able to fully understand the need of your discreteness no matter how much they claim they understand it!
the point is NEVER get caught
its not worth the feeling of it!


i wanted to write about this at a later time in length but i felt a need to touch on this subject before Rosh Hashana even if just a tip of the iceberg i hope its understood correctly and please anyone feel free to share and or differ via email at frumunhappy@gmail.com
It seems as to over the years people have forgotten that a wife must be respected and treated accordingly
t has become that Yom tov beginning by Rosh Hashana is a burden to them and the beginning of abuse to a certain extent!
It is beautiful when a wife , mother , daughter  wants to prepare Yom tov and so on but to force them to is already abuse!
we tend to have forgotten the small line between right and wrong, obligation and courtesy
Lets look back at the Gemara and see how the sages have prepared their own Shabbos which i am sure is alike Yom tov time
one has cleaned the head of a animal another prepared the fish etc etc 
they all chipped in at home and the wife was not a slave!
which again gives a bit of a outlook why would a lady want to become or stay part of this frum world in todays day and age when it has become a cultist movement!


So another day when the men go to Slichos and they see the letters of the Aleph bet  flying in front of their eyes , some reading every word and some making short cuts and singing the parts of ATA HOREISO LANU etc  while mumbling and bumbling through the rest of it, the wife at home wishing the husband will stay at Shul for longer since she finally has her privacy and can do whatever she wants like eat sleep or whatever and not having to serve him or take his nervousness !
for some that is what slichos has become  for others its just a ritual that is done for many years as the Gemara would call Mitsvas anashim milumada  Meaning it has become the norm to do so  without any understanding or knowing!
for some not for all the above can be partly or fully true
for others it can be enough of the bull shit and now no slichos or anything and no hard feelings  and at the same time others wish they can live in both worlds at the same time.
we need to get to know ourselves better and use our free choice  and instead of getting angry at those who do things without understanding and so on  just change ourselves to either way without caring what the other does.
After all i do not think god created us to be his police men or women !
neither did he create the women to take the abuse that tends to have become part of certain religious acts as i will write in the post to follow this !

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Why daven make a bracha etc.

Do we do all of the above to please another person?
Why does it seem that people tend to think it is their business if another Davened or made a Bracha?
even if it is their spouse or other family member.
Is it about proving oneself to another?
is that why we Daven on Rosh Hashono?
I believe it is a false way in Judaism
and will try to give my outlook on why we pray and or make a Bracha and so on in the near future .
meanwhile i would just point out that if one is not in the mood of making a Bracha and so on it is no one Else's business

One of the reasons

1 of the reasons one would want to leave the Frum community would be simply because one feels not connected and not fit in (even if they fit in on the outside)
one may feel a bit distant like when they think and dream of specific things they feel hey why am i where i am ?
other times it is possible that they ended up in a very uncomfortable situation or were caught in middle of a specific act or doing  and they feel  like i will be too ashamed by staying so let me get out of here!
All of the above make perfect sense and at the same time not always are wrong !
It is possible that one feels this is wrong for me !
possibly wrong for everyone!
that basic knowledge  might be our whole issue!

When openly not frum anymore

Are we comfortable  or happy being so? 
i believe a person should be happy  and comfy at whatever stage they stand and if one thinks a certain experience will be one way and turns out that they don't find themselves there  than there is nothing wrong with making a U turn to either direction!
If one is not happy they cannot really get too far in life .

I was emailed

A lady emailed me about a specific issue and than added in the following question,
Am i normal  if i have the weirdest fantasies  and baddest thoughts? can i still be Frum if that is what is in my head all the time?
Personally i will answer one thing which i said to someone else too and that is IT DOES NOT SAY ANYWHERE THAT ONE IS NOT ALLOWED TO HAVE A YETSER HORA isn't god the one who gave that to us?
I think one of our problems is that we don't have that friend that we can open up to and tell or share any of these thoughts with  and that is why we tend to feel we are crazy or insane and cannot be frum and live with those too.
I think that is a mistake and there is nothing wrong with having those in your mind etc.

What if a lady is not satisfied ?

Is there anything a lady can do if she is not satisfied sexually in her marriage?
Can one have a happy satisfied life even if she is not so with her husband?
another question i was asked and would love if you shared your thoughts insights and experiences with me.
All info will be kept strictly confidential

Is it ok to live a two faced life?

Is it OK to live the cover up frum looking sounding life to our family's (kids , husband , parents) and in secret live another life? maybe a life of not being frum at all? or not keeping shabbos? taharas hamishpacha ? cleanliness?
This is a question i was emailed more than once today and i think it is very complex.
I will try to give a honest answer which might actually not be a very clear one or a one simple yes or no , rather it will be different
but before i do so i would love if anyone can give me their insights and experinces on this issue so i can give out the voice of the public instead of just my own experinces and thoughts!
please email me with your thoughts and insights on this subject along with anything you would like to share with me!

Contact me

If you would like to discuss a matter in private and discretely you may email me at frumunhappy@gmail.com
i promise to keep anything you ask of me about yourself your story or personal experience  private and secret !
It can be a experience that you are not sure where to take or advice of moving to a different lifestyle or even just to get something off your chest. or maybe if you want to stay Frum a way to do something with the least sinning possible or a way to do Teshuva to stop something
all of the above but not limited to those! 
a place anyone is accepted and respected!

Frum and Sexual?

Is it possible to be sexual active and at the same time Frum?
A interesting point that was brought to my attention  today was is it possible for one to be sexual active and at the same time not change their status!
personally i think that its possible and i am open to objections and different opinions !  anyone interested in sharing?

Why does one want to change from frum to free?

I will not deal with this question yet with my explanation below!
Number one i am a firm believer that we are supposed to learn from everyone and respect them for their beliefs too even if we do not agree with them!
For that reason even though i have certain very interesting thoughts as well as allot of theory's as to why would want to leave the Frum ,Chasidish, Litvish, Heimish, orthodox, Yeshivish, etc. (which some may call cultist) community and try a different way of life!
i would rather  first get insights from the readers as well and mainly from people who are experiencing or experience this urge and than after trying to see through all the outlooks i will try to give a description and explanation which will include all the outlooks on this subject.
i will warn in advance i AM interested in all subjects and issues on this matter  no matter how controversial they may be!
i hope and pray that this will be a success!
please help me with this endeavor